Two Hobbits, an Elf, and Pink Hairspray
by Dark Windsong
Summary: Our two favourite hobbits get hold of a can of pink hairspray...Oh, the possibilities! They drug a certain, rather image conscious elf in his sleep and if you want to know what happens click that little blue title :P
1. Boy Is He In For A Surprise

Disclaimer: We doessssssn't own any of the charcterssss, no. If we did, we would be rich, yesss. They all belongsss to Tolkien, they doesss.

_Author's Note: I thought it would be fun to put some modern things into this story – you wouldn't normally find hairspray in Rivendell, but Merry and Pippin wouldn't get into half as much trouble without it…_

_This is my first fanfic., so good reviews would be appreciated! _

Two Hobbits, an Elf, and Pink Hair Spray

Chapter One: "Boy, is he in for a surprise…"

It was the middle of the night in Rivendell. Everyone slept, save two small hobbits. Merry rolled over and spoke to the figure in the bed next to his.

"Now!"

"Now?" asked Pippin sleepily.

"Yes!"

"Oooh! This is gonna be fun!" Pippin giggled and clapped his hands.

"Hey, you moron! Don't do that! You'll wake the whole flippin' Fellowship and then our plan will be ruined!" Merry grabbed Pippin's hands.

"Sorry." Pippin mumbled.

"Have you got it?"

"Got what?"

"You know - the stuff we need for this prank!"

"Oooh, yes!" Pippin felt around under his pillow and triumphantly held up a can of pink hairspray.

"Oh good!" Merry's eyes lit up. "C'mon! Let's go!"

"Yup!" Pippin jumped out of bed, tripped over his slippers and crashed to the floor with a yelp. "Ow ow ow o-"

"Ssh!" Merry clapped his hand over Peregrin's mouth.

"Buth I hurth bythelf!"

"Be quiet!"

"Oooh…"

"What part of "be quiet" don't you understand? Now _shut up_!"

"Sorry."

"Okay, now let's go, and for goodness sakes, _be quiet_!"

"I'll try."

The mischievous duo crept across the room.

"There he is!" cried Pippin gleefully and sat down on a bed. Meriadoc grabbed him by the collar of his nightshirt.

"No no no! Get off there, you idiot! That's _Strider_!"

"Oops." Pippin got off.

"_Here_ he is!" Merry was standing beside Legolas's bed. "Now let's get to work!" Pippin was doubtful.

"But he's a very light sleeper – he'll wake up the moment we touch him!" Merry shook his head.

"No he won't. That, my dear Pippin, was where my super intelligent brain came in. I drugged him!" Peregrin gasped.

"How d'ya manage _that_?"

"Like this: before I went to bed, I told Strider that I had been having trouble sleeping lately, and could I please have a tasteless, odorless and colorless remedy for insomnia, because I you-know-how-I-hate-those-herbs. He looked a bit suspicious, but he gave me a glass of something. However, instead of drinking it myself, when no-one was looking I swapped my glass of weird potion stuff with Legolas's glass of water, and look –" Merry pointed, "He's drunk it all up." The glass on Legolas's bedside table was empty, and the Elf was snoring lightly. Pippin was impressed.

"Why Merry, you're a genius! A real mastermind! However did you think of something so very clever?"

Meriadoc tapped the side of his head importantly.

"I told you – with my super intelligent brain. Now for the last time, _let's do it_!" He pinched Legolas's arm lightly to make doubly sure that the drug was working. It was: there wasn't even a slight change in the Elf's breathing. Merry grinned.

"Okay, now give me the hairspray."

"Awww, can't I have a turn first?"

"No. This was _my_ idea, so _I _should get to go first."

"That's not fair! _I'm_ the one who risked life and limb to get this stuff from one of those Elf children, so it should be _me_ who gets to use it first!" Pippin pouted.

"Give it to me," Merry ordered, "Now."

"Oh, all right." Pippin sighed and handed over the precious can. Merry grabbed it and began to apply it to Legolas's hair.

"Boy, is he in for a surprise when he wakes up!"

"Uh huh!" Pippin nodded so vigorously that he lost his balance. Merry caught him before he hit the floor.

"Fool-of-a-Took! Just take it easy." Meriadoc put his cousin down.

"It's my turn now."

"Don't be ridiculous! I've only had it for about twenty seconds!" Merry once more busied himself with the Elf's hair. "Alright, _now_ it's your turn."

Pippin quickly took the hairspray.

"How do you operate this thing?" He pressed the button on the top of the can. A cloud of hairspray turned his face a bright, luminous pink. "Oops…heh heh…maybe I should turn it the other way?" Peregrin turned the can around, pressed the button and successfully got pink all over the clean, white bed sheets. "Oops." He said again. "I missed."

"Aaargh! Look what you've done! That stuff stains! Elrond will be furious!" Merry panicked.

"Gosh, what d'ya think he'll _do_?" Pippin squeaked, frightened. Merry shrugged.

"Tear you limb-from-limb. Use you as target practice – Elves are very into archery you know. Oh –"

"Duh. Everyone knows that. Well, maybe not _you_, but I'm pretty sure everyone _else_ does."

"Shut up. Now, let me finish. Ahem…Elves are very into archery you know. Oh, the list is endless."

Peregrin stuck his tongue out.

"Elrond would _never _do those things, so _there_!"

"Forget it, just give me the hairspray – clearly you cannot be trusted with it." Merry held out his hand.

"No, wait – I think I've got the hang of it now." Pippin aimed at Legolas's head and again pressed the button on the top of the can of hairspray. He was successful this time.

"Wow," said Merry sarcastically, "you actually managed to do something right for once! Well done!"

"Hey, don't be mean!"

Eventually the two pranksters finished their mischief. Pippin yawned. "I'm tired. Let's go back to bed." Merry disagreed.

"No, not until you've washed all that pink stuff off your face. If Legolas (or anyone for that matter) sees you, then the game will be up, and so will our lives."

"Yeah, right." Peregrin disappeared into the bathroom and came back drying his face on his nightshirt. "Is it gone?" Merry inspected his cousin's face carefully.

"Yup, it's gone."

"Good, although it _did_ look rather pretty when I saw it in the mirror when a moonbeam fell through the window…yes," he yawned, "very pretty." Pippin climbed into bed and was soon snoring loudly. Merry did likewise.


	2. What Do You Mean 'Pink?

Chapter Two: "What do you mean "pink"?"

Legolas sat up in bed and stretched. It was morning. His eye caught something pink on the sheet. What was it? Curious, the Elf touched it. Some of it came off onto his finger. It must be some sort of paint. Odd. How had _that_ gotten there? It hadn't been there when he'd gotten into bed the night before, he could have sworn it. Legolas was puzzled.

Just then, Aragorn woke up. "Morning, Aragorn", said Legolas lazily. Aragorn's mouth dropped open.

"Um…Legolas?"

"What?"

"Your - your hair!"

"What about it?" The Elf frowned.

"I didn't know you went in for pink – I thought you liked it blonde?"

"But I do." Legolas was confused. "I – Pink! What do you mean "pink"?"

Aragorn got out of bed and searched for something on the floor.

"Hmm…I thought I saw it here somewhere…Arwen must have left it…Ah – here it is." The Ranger pounced and handed the Elf a small hand mirror, before getting back into bed and putting a pillow over his head. "Now leeme alone," he mumbled, "It will…come off in the wash."

Legolas stared at the little mirror, horrorstruck. The reflection looking back at him wasn't his. It must be some dark magic. Wait…or was it? Legolas made sure that no-one was watching him, and then touched his nose to prove his theory. The Elf jumped the height of himself. The horrified Elf in the mirror was him, and his hair was pink, just as Aragorn had said!

Legolas screamed, and threw the mirror across the room. It hit Pippin on the nose. The hobbit woke with a yell.

"Yeeeeeeoooooowch!" Peregrin rubbed his nose.

Between the hobbit and the Elf, the whole fellowship had been roused.

"Pipe down, will you?" Merry pulled the covers up over his head.

"Mmm…yes…be…quiet…" Boromir mumbled, still more than half asleep. Gimli gave a loud snort and then went back to his deafening snoring.

"My hair! My hair! Oh! Woe is this day!" Legolas wailed. "My hair! What has happened?"


	3. Oh, And What Do YOU Know About It?

**Chapter Three: "Oh, and what do _you_ know about it?"**

Pippin grinned.

"Someone sprayed it with –" The hobbit was cut off as Merry leaped out of bed and dived on him. Unfortunately, Peregrin had said too much already.

"Oh, and what do _you_ know about it?" Legolas narrowed his eyes.

Pippin blushed and looked at his feet.

"…Nothing…" He looked up gave Legolas a big false smile. He was sure he looked very, very cute.

"You lair!" The elf exploded, "You _do_ know what happened!" He grabbed the stricken hobbit and began to shake him violently.

"Stop!" Squeaked Pippin, "Let me go and I'll tell!"

"Alright." Legolas abruptly dropped the hobbit, who scuttled away and cowered in a corner.

"It was…Merry and me," he panted, "We did it last –"

"Pippin!" Merry was horrified, "Didn't your mother ever teach you to tell the truth? This is the biggest load of rubbish I have ever heard! Legolas's hair was turned pink in the night by two goblins with a sense of humor! I _saw_! I chased them off!" At this point he winked desperately (and a little too obviously) at Pippin. Legolas saw it too.

"You're lying!" The elf snapped. Peregrin could sense that the situation was getting dangerous. He decided to tell the truth, regardless of what his cousin might think. Anyway, he was a safe distance away from both Merry and Legolas.

"Merry's the one that's lying," he said nervously.

Meriadoc stopped dead, gobsmacked.

"What the – Me?"

"Yes!" Pippin sobbed, "It was us! We did it! Last night!"

"Well, that part's obvious. Now go and get me some shampoo!" Legolas was shouting now, "Hurry, before this dye becomes permanent!"

"Yes sir!" Peregrin scampered off as fast as he could go. Legolas made for the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind him. Presently, the sound of running water was heard.

Pippin reappeared with a bottle of shampoo.

"Okay, now where's that elf got to?" he panted.

"In the bathroom," Merry told him, "washing his hair."

"How can he do it without shampoo?"

"Dunno." Merry shrugged. "Go give it to him."

"Who?_ Me_?" Pippin squeaked.

"Yes, you, unless you have a twin, which, as far as I'm aware of, you don't, so go."

"But I can't! He's in the shower!"

"Just go in and give him the shampoo. You're the one who spilled the beans!"

"Beans?" Pippin looked about, confused, "What beans? I don't see any –"

"Forget it!" Merry grabbed the bottle of shampoo and marched straight into the bathroom without even bothering to knock on the door.

There was a yell, and the hobbit landed in a heap outside the door, which was banged shut again. Then it opened a crack, and Legolas stuck his head out.

"I've got shampoo, you idiot! There's plenty of it in here!" And with that, he slammed the door in Merry's face.


	4. You're Disgusting! Am Not!

**Chapter Four: "You're disgusting!" "Am not!"**

"Of all the ungrateful…" Then he spied Pippin, who was giggling. Merry's face contorted with rage, and he tackled the younger hobbit, knocking the wind out of him. "You Fool-of-a-Took! Why did you have to go and tell him?"

"S-sorry, Merry! I d-didn't mean to! It's just that I'm kinda sc-scared of him, and well, the words were outta my mouth b'fore I could st-stop 'em!"

"Now everyone knows it was us! Aragorn will kill us!"

"No he won't!"

"What have you got to say for yourself?" Merry was shouting in Pippin's face, "How about a "sorry"?"  
Peregrin turned his head away.

"Ugh! Merry, you might want to consider brushing your teeth. When last _did_ you actually clean them? Days? Weeks? Months?..._Years_?"

"No!" Frowning, Merry climbed off Pippin and sat down on the floor. Peregrin raised himself up onto his hand and knees, gasping for breath. "Um…let's see…err…about…How many days ago was last Saturday?" Meriadoc tried to work it out on his fingers, which were rather grubby, but Pippin beat him to it.

"Last Saturday?" Peregrin was horrified, "That's almost _eight_ days ago! _Today's_ Saturday! Oh, Merry! That's _gross_!"

Merry grinned broadly (Pippin noticed that his teeth were yellow and fuzzy).

"No it's not! When did _you_ last take a bath?" He challenged, "_I_ took one last week, so I'm all clean. What about _you_? Bet _you_ last took one sometime last year?"

"No," said Pippin smugly, "I took a bath _and _brushed my teeth last night!"

"Humph!" Merry scowled.

"You're disgusting!" Pippin informed him.

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am NOT!" Merry yelled, and thumped Pippin, who squealed. Merry grabbed a handful of his cousin's hair and tugged.

"Ow ow ow ow ow! Lemmego!"

"That is ENOUGH!" Aragorn got out of bed and stumbled across the bedroom floor towards the two hobbits. "What the _hell_ is going on here?" The Ranger demanded, "Decent folk are trying to get a lie – in!"

Both hobbits started talking simultaneously; each with his own version of the story:

"Merry was –"

"No! You were –"

"You pulled my –"

"Because you insulted –"

"It's true though!"

"Is not! You told me I'm disgusting!" Merry yelled.

"Oh yeah? Because you don't brush your teeth!" Pippin screamed. He raised his fist, but Aragorn was quicker.

"Whoa! Calm down!" The Ranger pulled the fighting hobbits apart, and addressed Merry.

"From what I hear, you haven't brushed your teeth in quite a while. Now, if that's true, then you will go and brush them as soon as Legolas is out of the bathroom. You will also take a shower. Understood?"

"Err, yes, Aragorn."

"Legolas!" The Ranger called, "I think it's about time you got out of there! You're using up all the hot water!"

_Silver flow the streams from Celos to Erui,_

_In the green fields of Lebennin!_

"Legolas!" Aragorn yelled, "Stop singing and get out of the shower!"

_Tall grows the grass there. In the wind from the Sea._

_The white lilies sway, _

_And the golden bells are shaken of mallos and alfirin._

Either the Elf had not heard the Ranger due to the sound of the running water, or he had, and was ignoring him. Probably the latter, as his hearing was exceptionally sharp.

"Get OUT of the shower!" Aragorn bellowed, "And SHUT UP! You can't sing!"

_In the green fields of Lebennin, _

_In the wind from the – _

If you don't get out within the next minute, then I am coming in there!" Aragorn threatened. The singing stopped instantly and the water was turned off.

"Okay, okay! No need to fuss! I'll be out shortly!" Minutes later, Legolas emerged from the bathroom, fully dressed, hair scrupulously clean. Aragorn rolled his eyes.

"Alright." The Ranger gave Merry a gentle shove. "Go on. Brush your teeth and have a shower. Wash your hair while you're at it."

Grumbling, Merry headed for the bathroom. Aragorn pulled a face and wiped his hands on his nightshirt. Just how much dirt could a hobbit just out of his Tweens accumulate in a week? Quite a bit. _Ugh_.


	5. Pranksters Pranked!

**Chapter Five**

Early the next morning, Meriadoc Brandybuck yawned widely and stretched. His mouth felt odd. Clean. He ran his tongue over his teeth. He missed the fuzz.

Pippin gave a porcine grunt and rubbed his eyes. He gave an ear-splitting screech when he caught sight of Merry. Seeing Pippin, Merry did likewise.

"YOUR HAIR'S GREEN!" they cried simultaneously, and then both burst into tears.

Across the room, Legolas hid something under his pillow and smiled darkly. The pranksters had been pranked.

**The End**


End file.
